In all relationships there will come a time when something must give. Maybe you’re feeling stagnant, maybe you’re ready for the next evolution and growth, either way, change is inevitable. And the way you deal with it will impact your relationship in many ways.
Pablo and I put a bit of a hold on our sexual journey for a while, so we could rediscover ourselves as individuals – another hugely important aspect of growing as a couple. Of course, now that we are both feeling more on track in our own development, its time for our relationship to once again change. But what do we want that to look like now that we have both evolved as people?
Thankfully, we have spent a lot of time working on our communication and have reached that incredible point where we can navigate each relationship evolution pretty darn well.
That doesn’t always make it easy.
Which brings me to what I want to talk about. Fear in communication.
I’ll be the first to admit that I hold back. No doubt he does too. But its not because I'm afraid to be honest, its because in the back of my mind, I still overthink each situation and I still try to navigate it in a way that I feel will be the least intrusive for him to hear. This often ends in miscommunication and 50 conversation dancing around the subject. What I should do is simply say it. Say exactly what I mean and exactly what I want, then give him the chance to choose his own response to that. Chances are without the dancing around it bit, he will be able to process and respond a lot better and a lot more authentically too.
Because honesty, open discussions, questions and answers are 100% the foundations for a healthy conversation. Even if the conversation doesn’t quite go the way you hoped at first, if you have those foundations in place, you can negotiate, and you can do it without the fear that you’re hurting your partner or being judged by them. You will both be on the same page and both feel comfortable to express yourselves without being suppressed or judged.
This is a tough place to get to. But fucking worth it!
Can you imagine being able to come home to your partner and saying “hey, so I met this guy/girl today who thought I was pretty cute and we had a little flirt… I’m think I’d like to get to know him/her better, what do you think?” would be pretty cool to have that much trust in each other right?
And I get that not everyone is on that kind of a level with their relationship and may never choose to go down that path. But even being able to say “hey, so I have been thinking and I’d love to try something new tonight. I want to go buy some toys and experiment in the bedroom with you / bring a girl or guy into the bedroom for some fun / have you tie me up and spank the shit out of me / try anal sex” whatever it is. Imagine being able to say it with no judgement and knowing your partner would sit down, listen and indulge in negotiation about it. Pretty fucking cool yeah?
So, think about that. And think about what it would take for you to get to that stage of communication in your relationship currently. Do you feel 100% safe to speak out, or are you reserved? Do you feel judged or guilty when you speak your mind? Do you express yourself honestly or hold back? Do you feel your partner is fair in their response?
Talk to me people!