I have never been very good at making friends with females.
Even in primary school my ‘group’ consisted of 3 girls and about 6 boys. In high school my best friends were always guys, I found myself hanging out with them as either ‘one of the boys’ or as a ‘friend with benefits’. We served multiple purposes for each other I guess.
Fast forward to today, I still find myself connecting better with men then with women. Except for a few very close female friends, who often feel more like family, I have limited female acquaintances.
But, I’ve actually learnt to be ok with that.
I've recently stopped craving the deep connections I grew up longing for, and started feeling pretty content with coffee dates and catch up friends. It might seem quite shallow a thought, but think about it for a second.
We are constantly reading about 'sisterhood' and creating these wonderful, everlasting, super spiritual relationships with other women, but that puts a lot of pressure on us. I'm not saying belonging to a sisterhood, or a group of women who have formed deep bonds, is a bad idea. Quite the opposite. But, what I am saying is that forcing the friendships and feeling inadequate when they don't just happen, is not healthy. You end up trying so hard to create friendships, to form bonds with others because that's what we see as normal on social media, and feel empty in the end. Even if you are lucky enough to find a soul that clicks with yours, life will undoubtedly get in the way and shit simply fizzles out.
So, recently I decided to turn my thoughts inward for a second; stop and think about my amazing husband who is also my best friend, our two incredible kids, my awesome family and the two amazing girl friends I do have, I realised that investing more in these relationships is what I needed to do. That, and investing more time on the relationship I have with myself.
Ah yes, here is where we get a little deeper.
Over the past 12 months, I have been growing. I’m expanding, I’m healing, I’m blossoming into this new being and this journey has changed many of my previous thought patterns. I have learnt is that the biggest influencer in my life, is me. I create my happiness, I create my well-being, I am in charge of what I do, how I think, how I act and how I feel. So while making new, deep and meaningful friendships is a lovely idea, building on the deepest relationship of all, the one I have with myself, is the most important thing I could be doing right now.
Don't give up on growing your sisterhood, but don't focus all your energy into it either. Instead, focus on yourself; on loving yourself more, on being your own best friend, enjoying your own company, improving your spirituality, your well-being, your skills, chasing your dreams!
Let's see what happens when we grow the sisterhood of self!