Updated: Aug 28, 2018
Im sitting in my lounge room, my children are asleep, my husband is out with his family having fun.
I'm feeling down.
I keep checking my phone.
I have the TV on in the background.
Im bored. Im annoyed. Im anxious.
And then I stop....
I take a deep breath and I pour myself a glass of wine.
I realise that there are 2 ways this night could go...
1. I keep moping about feeling sorry for myself, getting upset at my husband for having fun with his family and brewing in a shit-storm of unnecessary and irrational emotions while everyone else gets on with their lives.
2. I drink that glass of wine, realise that I have the house to myself to do what I want for a few hours, and enjoy the serenity knowing my husband will be home soon in a great mood because he has had a fun night out with his family, give me a kiss and fuck me. Something I would miss out on if Im sitting here like a moody teenager when he pulls up.
I chose option 2..... obviously.
And in doing so I realise something. That my night is no different to my life. I have a choice in how I want to feel. Irrelevant of the circumstances, irrelevant of anything.... I can choose how I feel and how I act. And my choices have the ability to make or break me.
So, next time my husband tells me how stunning another woman is, instead of feeling jealous, Im going to kiss him and tell him that she'd be lucky to have him for the night. Then, I'll pour that glass of wine, turn up the music, let my hair down, dance, sing, live!
I'll choose to be happy. I'll choose to be ok. I'll choose to be a conscious fucking goddess who loves herself and her man and her life.
And I will know that my world wont crumble around me. I will know that no matter what we do or who we do it with, my husband will still come home, kiss me fuck me and love me more than he ever has because I'm giving him the greatest gift of all - his freedom. His ability to be a conscious man who makes HIS own choices too. A man that chooses me every time because he wants to.
So, here's to making the best choices. Here's to choosing love!